Congratulations! You’ve found a moms’ group that you would like to be part of and you’re officially a dues-paid, card-carrying member. If you are like many people, the hardest part of joining a new group is moving from the newbie phase to seasoned member. This is the step that stops many of us in our tracks.
Go, go, go!
Active moms’ groups usually have activities scheduled throughout the week. That’s what makes these groups fantastic for moms who are trying to liven up their social calendar. Write down the activities you plan to attend on your calendar, and you’ll be more likely to go. Activities with a planned agenda like a book club or cooking party are great ways to get to know other people if you stress out about conversation topics.
Ask questions.
If you are anxious about what you are going to talk about when you get there, think of a few topics you can bring up to seek common ground. Maybe you just read a book or saw a movie you’ve been wanting to talk about, or you saw something on the news that others might like to discuss. (Avoid polarizing political/religious issues.) Having a game plan can calm anxieties and uncertainty.
Think about questions that you’ve been dying to ask another mom. For example: “Do you now of a good children’s music program?” “I’ve been looking for a gym with good childcare? Any recommendations?”
Also, ask people about themselves and their children. Everyone has a story and most people love to share a little bit about themselves.
Go with a friend.
Invite another mom you know to join you or if you know another person in the group, ask her if she’d like to carpool. Does she already know many of the other group members? Ask her if she could help introduce you around. But don’t sweat it if you have to go alone. You won’t be the first and you may not be the only person to arrive who doesn’t know anyone.
Give yourself time.
Take your time getting to know people. This is frustrating, especially for extroverts who want to get their social lives up and running right away. But, most people need time to get to know each other and that’s healthy. The last thing you want to do is wind up investing your time into a friendship that you later realize is draining your energy or feels forced. To begin getting to know some of the other moms better, invite one or two to join you and your kids at the park for a playdate. For many people, it can take at least six months to really feel like they’re gelling with a group.
Integrating online.
Many moms groups have an online component which is a valuable way for members to interact day or night. But, online groups can be intimidating to enter. You could simply post a question. If you are unsure about this approach, post a simple hello and introduction first to establish yourself as a member.
If you are joining a moms’ group that is strictly online, my favorites have a set of rules to promote positive interaction, require members to use real names (which helps manage inflammatory comments and cyber bullying) and are moderated. I have found with the Facebook moms group I facilitate (Confidently Connected Moms), that moms also prefer a closed type of group to encourage conversation that the whole world isn’t privy to.
What are some ways you have successfully connected with groups as the new face in the crowd?
