“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.”
-Leo J. Burke
If you ever want to experience what face-to-face road rage is like try lecturing a sleep deprived mother. One of my biggest pet peeves when I was sleep deprived (which lasted oh, about 5 years — yes, I was a real pleasure to be around!), was when someone would say to me in a well-meaning voice of love and experience: “You really need to appreciate these years. They go so quickly.”
Sounds like such a sweet, nostalgic sentiment, right? And yes, it’s a very true statement (as they say “the hours are long, but the days go fast”), but when you are tired to the bone, the last thing you need is the sense that someone is trying to lay a guilt trip on you or tell you how to feel. It’s like when complete strangers say ridiculous things like “smile” when they know nothing about your personal circumstances.
The point is, it’s okay to want the difficulties of baby and toddlerhood to pass. It’s okay to want your sleep back. It’s normal. Why do you think those books on getting kids to sleep fly off the shelves? If you’re a Pollyanna and can get through life always looking on the bright side even when you’re exhausted, I congratulate you. Please pass along your secret of how you stay so upbeat!
Allow me to share a few of the symptoms of sleep deprivation: headaches, cravings for carbs and sweets, lack of patience, moodiness and a short memory. (Please note: I am not a doctor, but this is what I remember about sleep deprivation.)
Here are some things you can do to provide moral support to the sleep deprived mommy in your life:
1) Forget any phrase that begins with: “You really need to…” It’s annoying and unless your friend asks for advice, just be a listening ear of compassion. If you want to provide advice, ask her if she would mind if you offered an idea that might help.
2) Avoid ringing the doorbell. The rule here: Don’t wake the baby!
3) Instead of saying: “Wow, you look like hell,” how about: “I’m going to get a pedicure. Want me to schedule an appointment for both of us?”
4) If you want to chat, please text or email first to find out when a good time would be to talk.
5) If your friend has other children, chances are her patience is wearing thin. Offer to watch her kids for an hour so she can take a nap or just a quiet break.
6) Offer to bring over a meal so she doesn’t have to make dinner that night.
What is one of the worst things someone said to you when you were in the throes of sleep deprivation? What are ways friends offered moral support?
Clip Art courtesy: Simon Howden
