Social media can be something of a double-edged sword. Adults and adolescents alike crave the instant positive reinforcement that online friends deliver after posting a status update or a photo. But how does it feel when your posts generally seem to go completely ignored by your social network?
This form of rejection, according to a study out of the University of Queensland in Australia is like living in a “mental hell” affecting a person’s sense of loneliness and lowering his self-esteem.
If adults feel this way, imagine how an adolescent might be affected? How can we buffer our kids from putting too much stock into online “likes”?
Peer relationships become increasingly important as kids enter third and fourth grades, a few years before most start jumping onto social media. This is a prime time to help your child nurture a solid support network “in real life.”
Imagine, for a moment, your child sitting at the lunch table at school and he tries to chime into or start a conversation with his peers, only to be ignored as if he is completely invisible.
Made to feel irrelevant, insignificant and excluded is just as difficult to bear as mean, hurtful comments. In fact, deliberate exclusion by a peer group is considered a form of relational bullying. The resulting sense of isolation can affect a child’s self-worth, fueling dangerous feelings of negativity, depression and anxiety.
Your child doesn’t have to have a lot of friends, but finding ways to solidify fledgling friendships can help him feel more positive and resilient.
- Look for extracurricular activities at school that underscore his distinctive talents and interests. He’ll derive self-confidence and pleasure from activities that he enjoys. These activities will help him connect with other like-minded kids who appreciate his abilities and efforts.
- Talk to your child’s teacher to find out which kids your child seems to have a lot in common with. Ask if there are ways to bring the kids together as study partners, lunch mates or recess buddies.
- Find ways for him to nurture budding friendships by hosting playdates outside of school.
By honing these relationships, you can help your child realize that she matters a great deal, that she isn’t invisible and is an integral part of a caring community. And while rejection will still sting no matter what its form, knowing that she has friends and family who “have her back” will build her resilience now and into her adolescent years.
Once she gets onto social media, she’ll begin to learn that posts that go unacknowledged or ignored aren’t a reflection of her self-worth. Shouldn’t our goals and life pursuits be loftier than the number of thumbs up we get? “Likes” after all, simply aren’t a reliable measure of our value as human beings. Not when our innovative, creative and smart kids have so much more to offer this world.
How do you feel when you are ignored online? How are you helping your kids prepare for the ups and downs of online social interaction?
I had never thought of this as an issue-good one. As someone who is on and off social media I miss huge chunks of items I might have liked- and assumed when I am not liked it was cause folks were busy 🙂