Believe it or not, we can learn a couple of things about improving our confidence from our animal friends, especially more social species like dogs.
This is Dexter.
Unlike many dogs I’ve owned, he won’t come running up to you happily wagging his tail. He has social anxiety. He does one of two things when he sees another dog or someone that makes him nervous. He tries to make himself look bigger by barking and puffing out his hackles along his neck and back. Or he runs for cover and tries to squeeze into the smallest space he can find.
We as humans exhibit similar behaviors when we feel nervous, unsure or fearful. In situations where we lack confidence, we instinctively try to make ourselves smaller by crossing our arms and folding into ourselves. While I’m not suggesting you start growling at anyone, nonverbal power poses are a lesson we can adapt from the animal kingdom.
Strike a power pose by stretching your arms out wide for two minutes as Amy Cuddy suggests in her fascinating TED talk, and you’ll be amazed how much more confident you feel as a result. One of my favorite power poses is the warrior pose in yoga. Your body is literally changing your mindset. Try it before heading into your next interview or presentation. You’ll feel more relaxed and sure of yourself.
Dexter also derives confidence from his party animal friend Marvin, a very outgoing (albeit sometimes overly friendly) golden retriever mix. He doesn’t realize it, but this is a clever strategy when feeling anxious about a social situation.
If you are headed to a party or a gathering where you won’t know very many people and the very idea makes you break out into a sweat, take a friend who is good at starting conversation and making friends. Watch and learn from friends like this. They can be valuable assets, helping you to learn simple conversation starters and to feel less nervous navigating unknown territory.
Like humans, dogs are wired differently. Some are outgoing, some are pleasers, others are fearful and untrusting, and others are just plain bossy. While we can work with dogs to improve their behavior, as humans we can take a self-motivated cognitive approach to our weaknesses by learning different strategies and putting ourselves in a variety of social situations to lessen our anxiety over time. And, the more confident you grow, the happier and more relaxed you’ll feel across social situations.
Now, that’s a dog’s life!
What do you do to feel more confident before going into social situations that make you uneasy?
Prayer always works for me.
Very well said. I had not thought of it but we can be desensitized to our anxiety in the same way that we use that technique with our dogs. I breathe deeply and push past the anxiety.