As enthusiastic as I was about finally embracing motherhood, it took me awhile to adjust to my role. The perfectionist in me was haunted by the questions: Am I doing any of this right? Are my mothering instincts good enough? Am I doomed to turn out a kid who will be on parole before his 16th birthday?
Partly I sought answers to my burning questions and middle-of-the-night worries, but another part of me sought validation and reassurances from other women who could relate. Having other moms to interact with in-person made a huge difference in my confidence.
Complementing those face-to-face connections, I was also part of an online parenting forum. I loved the opportunity to be able to chat with other moms while still in my pajamas, cheerios stuck in my hair and bleary-eyed from lack of sleep.
With all the benefits, however, navigating an online moms’ group isn’t always simple. With so many to choose from, evaluate which ones are going to be helpful, rather than hurtful.
Find one that fits. Many online groups are free to join. Take time to familiarize yourself with the rules, parenting philosophy and the personality of the group. Also, consider the size of the group. Do you want to get to know individual members? A small to mid-sized group might work best.
Avoid sites that allow bullying. Many social network websites offer a degree of anonymity which appeals to some people. Proceed with caution when navigating these groups. Anonymous forums can feel less personal. Also, people cloaked in anonymity seem more comfortable dealing out abusive, offensive and judgmental remarks. Review past posts. Do responses to reader posts tend to be supportive or mean? Does the group moderator intervene? If you feel drained after reading the threads, fold ’em and find another group.
Introduce yourself. Before you jump in with questions, take a moment to share a little about yourself, including your interests, the number of kids you have and their ages. Express your enthusiasm for connecting with the group.
Opportunities to meet up? Look for online groups in your area that also offer playgroups at the park or get-togethers for moms. Check out Meet-up.com for moms’ groups in your area. (Many moms’ groups also have an online component.)
Unresponsive groups. If you post a question and no one responds or offers any support, try not to take it personally. Before allowing negative self-talk to send you into a tailspin of hurt feelings, consider that (1) you may have posted on a day when few members were checking in; (2) your question was too complicated to answer in an online forum; or (3) no one can offer any insight. If this continues to happen though, search for a group that’s a better fit for you. They’re out there!
Establish healthy boundaries. Decide how much personal information you feel safe sharing in the environment. Take your time and follow your instincts as you evaluate what is safe to reveal and the confidentiality of the site.
Know when to take an online hiatus. Take breaks periodically from your virtual environment to connect with friends in front of you. Since most people only put their best selves/best ideas/best images forward online, some moms complain that too much social media makes them feel like they don’t measure up. If you start to feel this way, take a break for a day or two before rejoining the online conversation.
What has been your experience with online parenting groups? Helpful or hurtful?
Image courtesy: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/smarnad
