How to Handle Hot-Button Conversations
Headed to a party or social get-together in the next few weeks? Ghosts and ghouls may be floating around causing mischief, but a friend’s political wisecracks might spook you more.
It’s easy to ignore Facebook posts and that’s exactly what most of us do. Pew Research Center’s Internet and American Life Project says 73 percent of us only sometimes agree or never agree with friends’ political posts on social networking sites. But when faced with an in-person interaction, sometimes it’s hard to decide if you should look for a quick escape or stand your ground.
According to research conducted by Vital Smarts, home to the authors of such books as Crucial Conversations, 77 percent of Americans avoid discussing politics. “As soon as the discussion escalates or becomes the least bit controversial, only 28 percent feel they can control their own temper and only 23 percent believe they can handle it if the other person gets upset,” the company reports.
Is it possible to have a respectful conversation on divisive issues? It’s in our best interest to learn how. After all, if we can’t discuss the issues that matter with the people who are most important to us how can we expect the polarizing national rhetoric to improve?
Put your competitive spirit aside. We all love to win — I mean, competition is as American as apple pie and baseball, right?! But with these kinds of conversations, you just can’t win. The best you can do is approach the conversation as a discussion that explores the issues and the different points of view without turning it into a personal attack.
Ask questions and listen. Show your friend or family member that you respect him as a person even if you disagree with an issue by exhibiting interest and curiosity. “This is particularly true if the opinion seems second-hand — quoting the talking points of the day,” says Meryl Runion, author How to Restore Sanity to Our Political Conversations. “Ask questions to get at how the other person really relates to the topic on a personal and individual level.”
Should you ever stay silent? You don’t deserve to be personally attacked. If the person with the opposing view becomes insulting or rude, you can go quiet and see if he sees how his comments are coming across. “There is power in silence. When someone says something nutty, if you respond with silence, there’s a good chance they’ll hear how illogical their words are,” Runion says. “That said, when thinking people are silenced, unthinking people control the conversation. Pick your battles, but don’t stay silent overall.”
When emotions run high. Want out of the conversation because it’s starting to feel mean-spirited? Try a light-hearted, “I consider you too much of a friend to continue this conversation” or “Interesting thought. This is such a complicated issue that I think we’ll have to agree to disagree. This party’s too much fun to get into a serious political debate right now.”
For more ways to manage political talk in social situations, check out my article “When Talk Gets Hot: How to Manage Hot-Button Issues at Social Gatherings” on ParentingSquad.com.
How do you handle divisive political conversations?
Photo courtesy: Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
