In my network and community, the past few months have been littered with a minefield of broken hearts among family, friends and acquaintances. I don’t mean the passing momentary “ugh, that was a bad day” sort of disappointments, but the kind of soul-crushing sadness that grips us when we lose someone we love to the ethers of forever. When life doesn’t work out the way we hoped and planned, and dreams are forced to adjust.
Maybe you know someone who is struggling to make peace with death too.
As the friends and loved ones of those who are in the midst of painful emotional suffering, we are often left wondering how we can help and worried about what to say.
Our compassion demands that we find ways to nourish them, love on them and gently guide them back out to drink in the fresh air and blink back the glaring sunlight of life. We want them to feel joyful and hopeful again.
But based on my own personal experience, healing from devastating loss and disappointment for what could have been doesn’t happen overnight. It can take months, years or…never. But that isn’t to say those who grieve won’t move forward. Life does get better eventually.
So what can we do to support those we love who are grieving?
- Tell them you care.
- Give hugs.
- Offer support by caring for a child or running an errand for them.
- Give them space. They may need to retreat at seemingly unexpected moments.
- Drop off a meal.
- Deliver ice cream or their favorite treat.
- Check in regularly without expecting a response.
- Send a text.
- Direct message them on social media.
- Mail a card.
- Call. Leave an encouraging message.
- Be patient.
- Gift them a pedicure, manicure or massage.
- Invite them out for a walk, a movie or to a small gathering of close friends.
- Say less. Listen more.
- Share stories/ask questions to help keep the memory of the one they loved alive.
- Be aware that anniversaries and holidays can be exceptionally challenging–especially the first ones.
Will you always say the right thing? Maybe not. But showing you care matters more than standing in the shadows and saying or doing nothing at all. Life is about connection. And nothing teaches us that lesson more than death.
photo courtesy: samarttiw/freedigitalphotos.net
Christa – what a beautiful post! I am sure it must have been difficult for you to write. My heart does go out to you and your community which has had to deal with so much. I am not sure that I really know how to support those who are grieving – I have not been that close to the process – always so many steps removed. Your sentences about life, connection, and death really say it all.
Thank you, Krysty. I hope you don’t have to go through this any time soon. Support is such a huge part of the recovery process for people who have experienced the loss of a loved one.