Criticism is rarely easy to take. I open myself up for criticism every time I push “publish” or submit a piece of my work for editorial consideration. I’ve had to learn to detach myself from my work and understand that while criticism is scary (and sometimes painful), a healthy critique can help me grow as an individual and as a writer.
After feeling the sting of multiple rejections (that’s the life of a writer), I’m getting to the point where I appreciate actual criticism more than a simple, “no thanks.” There was a time, when I would have just preferred to stick my head in the sand rather than listen to someone evaluate my work. I admit I sometimes take a day or two to sit with the criticism and throw a pity party for myself. With time comes distance and usually I’m able to see the value in someone else’s response.
But having someone criticize my parenting skills feels like a different ball of wax. I’m hard enough on myself without having someone admonish me in public for a choice I’ve made with my children. No mom is immune to criticism from some supposedly well-meaning stranger or even a passing acquaintance, but having company doesn’t mean you feel any less irritation, embarrassment or frustration.
Here are four ways I’m working to better manage personal criticism. Perhaps these ideas can help you, too.
- In the heat of the moment, stay calm. Take the high road with a simple, “Thanks for your opinion.”
- Consider the criticism when you feel calmer. Even if he made you feel defensive, did the criticizer have a valid point?
- Consider the source. Some people believe the way they parented 30 years ago is how it all should still be done. They have a right to their opinion, but you know what works best for your family. When an elderly woman admonished me for taking my newborn out of the house because in her day you didn’t take a baby into public for the first six weeks, I mustered a polite smile and said, “well, I guess things are done differently these days.
- Know that you’re doing the best you can for your family with the resources available. There’s always room for improvement, but often there’s little you can do or say to change people’s opinions. I feel sad when I see mothers attacking each other for the long-term decisions they make, such as whether to stay home with their kids or work part-time or full-time, assuming that the opposite party has it made. Responsible parents make choices that they feel are in the best interest of their children, their financial situations, and personal goals. We all have to privately re-evaluate our decisions from time to time, but throwing barbs and passing judgments is neither helpful nor constructive.
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