By nature, we women need to surround ourselves with a supportive village of other women. It’s a survival mechanism that is practically written into our DNA from those hunting and gathering cave-dwelling days.
In today’s society, we have the advantage of many choices when it comes to the different social groups we can join––both online and offline. But beware of joining the wrong group which can be demoralizing and can fuel isolation as much as lacking a network at all.
Here are three signs it is time to move on:
1. Mismatched values. Values in friendship are as important as they are in marriage. If the group is critical of the choices you make in the interest of your family, the chances of forging long-term, trusting friendships in that group are slim.
2. Something’s off. You can’t put your finger on the problem, but something doesn’t sit well with you when you are hanging out with the group. If the members’ discussions and way of doing things make you uncomfortable, anxious, bored, negative or unenthused, this is your intuition’s way of telling you to keep shopping.
3. Life changes. As time goes on, our kids grow older, our lives evolve and our priorities change. We may suddenly find ourselves in a group that is no longer a very good fit for any number of reasons. You don’t have to spurn those friendships, but do give yourself permission to expand your network and seek other groups that nurture your spirit and accommodate your goals, interests and schedule.
Do you frequently find yourself in groups that don’t feel right? Decide if you are being true to your authentic self. Get crystal clear on what you desire in your friendships and in your support network. For example:
- Do you need to be around women who share your commitment to a healthy lifestyle?
- Are you someone who thrives on inspiring and lively discussions about books, news and other cultural events?
- Do you have a need to be around people who are as passionate about making a difference in the world as you are?
- Are you more comfortable around moms who work outside of the home or do you relate better to stay at home moms? Why do you think this matters to you?
Whatever you do, don’t give up. Finding a circle of friends that is just right for you will make a critical difference in your personal happiness and outlook on life. As far as I’m concerned, you deserve nothing less.
